Fatherhood

Even while they were in Debbie’s womb, all three of our kids demonstrated their personalities. Child number one pushed with hands and feet against the ultrasound probe during one of the prenatal exams. She has been pushing through things ever since. Child number two would roll around with such force while Debbie was trying to sleep, his momentum would cause her to turn over in bed. Growing up, he pushed through whatever was in front of him, and continues to go where the Spirit leads, moving things. Number three never drew much attention to himself while in the womb, but there was no doubting he was there. He has remained chilled and laid back, but his presence is still felt every time he enters a room.

Three kids. Three very different kids. One dad, with the help of a wonderful mom, who is supposed to guide them into adulthood. The temptation was to read a few books to get the magic formula, set the same expectations and treat them exactly the same, and have a nice, neat, consistent, and pleasant production of ideal children. But, it didn’t happen that way. Though the goal was the same for each of them – that they become passionate worshipers of God, surrendered to His will – how we got there was different for each of them.

I made plenty of mistakes, but was quick to repent when I sinned, especially when it involved one of our interactions. Harsh words. Aggravated assumptions. Choosing my selfish desire instead of encouraging them. I, also, did some things right. I introduced them to God and walked with them as their individual relationships developed, separate from Debbie, me, and their siblings, but not exclusive of us, instead we walked together. They learned that boundaries exist in the real world and to cross them has consequences. I was the judge and jury on many of those experiences.

I have heard some say that raising children is like trying to catch a plastic Wal-Mart bag in a tornado or like trying to hold on to a fish with soapy hands – evasive, always moving unpredictably, slippery, fighting to have their own way, then once they are caught, we are not sure what to do with them. What to do with them? That’s the root question. Loving them as God loves them is a good place to start. We need to dedicate ourselves to knowing what Godly love is, how to give it, how to receive it, and that we are willing to be changed so that love happens even when we aren’t thinking about it. In my next blog, I’ll give you some of my discoveries about love, then the following blogs will discuss my other pillars of fatherhood: identity, value, character, security, opportunities, and definitions.

Each person has strengths and weaknesses. Some are personality related. Some are taught. Some develop unintentionally. Dads, we have ours, and our children have theirs. We need to seek God fervently on how to compensate and promote in ways that will lead our children closer to Him. If you haven’t already engaged the process whole heartedly, I suggest you begin a fervent seeking of God, so you will know Him and can introduce Him to your children.